still breathing

When the end seems within sight, it makes perfect sense to see and realize the worthlessness of things that grow old and fall apart. Those very things in younger days that managed to hold us captive with delight or interest, stealing our precious time.

As we look into our near future and see all the times we could have made a real difference in someone’s life, all the times we could have helped this or that person in need, the real need for forgiveness becomes a burden that weighs our every waking minute.

We come to understand our need for the Lord’s infinite forgiveness and the years of time He gives us to grow in our knowledge of the heavenly home He wants so very much to give each of us.

I hear all the talk about the end is near, and I have to wonder if it is even necessary seeing as how each of us in our limited allotment of time will all have our own end. Sometimes I think it’s just that each generation wants it to end in their time… the idea of things going on long after they’re gone being rather…. Whatever.

The 10th of this month I go in for an MRI and whatever they call that process where they run a camera up your artery to your heart for a look around. I guess I’ll let all that happen so I’ll know if there’s something down the road I’d better be aware of, but it’ll also be the time the doctor is going to ask for a commitment on a lung transplant. I’m going to pass on that, and I’m not sure if that’ll mean I have to find a new doctor to renew my many prescriptions or not…. We’ll see.

GOD IN HIS SPLENDOR, SEATED ON HIGH, 

LOOKED DOWN ON AN ANGEL AND SAW HE DID CRY...

              WHY ALL THE TEARS? THE FATHER DID ASK, 

WHY DO YOU SUFFER AND CRY?

 I'M SORRY, DEAR FATHER, THE ANGEL DID SAY, AND IT'S TRUE THROUGH YOUR SON THEY ARE FREE, 

BUT IN ALL THIS WONDER OF YOUR CREATION, 

THERE IS NOT A HUMAN FOR ME.

 I'M AN ANGEL YOU MADE TO PROTECT AND TO SERVE, 

AND TO INSPIRE AND TO LOVE AND TO GUIDE,

  BUT BECAUSE OF THE LAWS OF A NATION GONE BAD,

MY HUMAN THROUGH A DOCTOR, HAS DIED!

-Gary (circa 1989)

February 7, 2016

Guess this got lost when the last computer got given away.  Time for a serious update!

OK, October 2014 we basically sold or gave away most everything and headed down to Phoenix to spend my last days.  I couldn't walk to the kitchen from the bedroom without having to sit and rest for quite a while...on oxygen 24/7, up to 60 mg. of prednazone a day...no doubt in anyone's mind I was at deaths door.

Then a miracle happened. within 10 days I woke up, went to the restroom, stumbled into the kitchen to make coffee, and realized I didn't have my oxygen tube on.  I figured I'd wait until it started to bother me and run go get it off the bed.

I haven't had it on since!  realize I'd spent the last 3 winters here, so ya can't say it's anything to do with the climate, even the doctors can't explain it, saying I had maybe 4% increase in lung capacity, but it was only 15% or so, which still isn't enough to breath
unaided.

I didn't grow any new lungs, when my muscles ask for more oxygen my lungs can't deliver, I have to stop and rest. I can do almost anything for 30 seconds @ a time, but you'd be amazed at what you can get done in a day's time working at it 30 seconds at a time.

I'm down to 15 mg. of prednazone a day and still slowly weaning my body down from steroid dependency. Not sure how much will ever hit pen and paper, but knowing this time was given to me to accomplish something, I'm walking in thankfulness and praying for direction each day.

situation as it stands:
   
      66.5 years old, severe case of COPD, down to less than 18% of useful lung, fairly tied to a tube supplementing oxygen. Both feet are perpetually feeling asleep as is my pinky finger and part of the ring finger of my right hand.

     Both feet are swollen to the point they look blown up like a balloon. My eyes have become a problem in that I need artificial tears or whatever that's called. My face, hands, neck, stomach, and legs have taken on fat that I seem unable to change.

     My skin has become as thin as rice paper at least on my hands and arms and merely bumping something not even sharp can peel back the skin and look fairly nasty. I don't bleed much, can often simply lay the skin back over it and continue on, but sores that size often get re-bumped and healing takes quite awhile.

     My energy level, or get up n go has definitely gone down to almost nothing. I have slept whole days and nights. Days go by I don't make it outside even once. By 4 o'clock pm my breathing becomes ragged for some reason, and my day is pretty much over at that point.

     I can't bend over to do anything without it stopping my breathing altogether. I can manage by holding my breath for a few seconds, but if I stretch it, it might take minutes to regain control of my breathing.

      On the best of days, I am able to go and do for about 30 seconds without stopping, but then I have to simply stop whatever I'm doing and stay in place until my breathing becomes regular again, sometimes taking 10 minutes or more.


That's where I am physically. Mentally is another story which I might add a little later.

3-24-14

After a great day out on the range, enjoying the company of a young man and his son, it ended in a bang as I decided to shoot the 357 a few times. Having forgot the box of 38 shells I'd planned on using up, I took the two loads that had been in the truck for emergencies and having shot one cylinder up, was feeling pretty good as I reloaded the last 7 shells and took aim.

 DAMN MY HIDE, one of those shells was a leftover from the reloading debacle that blew up my last pistol. Sure enough, the pistol blew out the whole right side of the cylinder, blowing pieces almost 50' down the line and grazing my face with a neat little cut that could have been fatal or taken out my eye!

I'd already sold all my reloading equipment months ago. I'd set aside all my 357 reloads and bought retail ammunition to shoot through it. I was safe.... or so I thought.  Obviously not my time to die, once again no one was hurt and I had just blew a $600 pistol all to hell.  Slow as I am, this time I got the message....lol

The Mossberg 715T is a kick to shoot, looking like a military rifle, it's actually a 'plinkster' ... but accurate enough for varmint shooting I suppose.  The Ruger 22 MK III is a pretty deadly shooter and the Volquartsen 17 HMR is dead on.  Guess I'll stick with rim fires ;-)

Spring! 2014

About to go join 'momma' in a nap, luxury of old folks ;-)  The two RC Priests from Nebraska left early this a.m. on their way to a baptism in San Diego. 

What a blessing to be able to offer shelter n friendship with two apostles of our Lord!  We were able to have the Holy Mass said right in our living room, just like they did in the early church... 
(con-celebrated no less) (two priests) and to receive our Lord in the Sacrament...Thank you Jesus! 

 Father Joe then blessed the house, throughout and without.... feeling quite blessed on my way to Gethsemane. 

Sitting here realizing there's a lot of life in my circle! Thank you Jesus!

Wish I was able to go back n spend more time with each of them, but life has its own schedule it seems. I reckon my job will be to pray for these young people to find and embrace the God that I did. Funny how life just rips on by, doesn't seem that long ago, but it has been...n that's the trick. I'm the oldest Harris from the clan of Nelt and Mable Harris.