almost there

2014 is only hours away... Not one of my children called me for Christmas, my fault I reckon. Sorry dad, know I did that too.

condition: feet and ankles and even some leg are swollen almost as soon as I get up. fungus is still popping out here n there, who knows where that's going to lead.

 I apparently coughed hard enough to blow out some blood vessels in my eyes... now I seem to have a blister type of thing on the outside of my eyeball. Will go have that looked at after Vicki has made it back home.

My breathing can be heard unless I'm just sitting or laying. I can't seem to cough up any flem, should be drinking lots more water, but... ;truthfully, I'm getting pretty disgusted with it all.

I'm going to have to let go of all of it, and the hobo in me is ready to just do it. Tools, boats, fishing, guns, reloading tools,... everyone keeps saying no, don't do it, but I know it's part of those lessons in life that we each have to learn on our way back to the Father.

I'm actually not really 'down' , I don't see this as scary or unfair or anything but normal. Oh, sure, I'll miss my grand-kids and my sons n daughters, but I believe I'll still be able to see them and perhaps even aid them from the other side.

My grandfather Harris died @ 65 years old.  Everyone called him 'pop Harris' ...
..... just musing.\

Christmas 2113

This one will go down as the one we'll have to look back on for perspective. Vicki's still in rehab with the knee, went there after the Vigil Mass this evening, spent some time with her, but then had to come back home... so we're both basically alone on this Christmas Holiday. Not sure if I'll make it back up there tomorrow or not, see how it goes.
The way my breathing has been, I'd guess my time is limited on this side. I've also discovered that everyone burns wood when it gets cold down here... will let you guess how that affects lungs... sheesh.

I guess it's time to let go of even the shooting targets if I can't handle getting out to the range. Sad deal, was a challenge and a lot of fun. Will have to see how things go. Have someone interested in some of it.

I've always said life is a series of lessons, and was pretty sure the last one was finding yourself in total agreement with God's way of doing things.... getting there pretty fast. Amazing how age and health can tame the world, the flesh, and even the evil one.

HO HO HO

Not too funny really, Vicki goes in for a knee transplant on the 17th and will be in a live in recovery place for at least 2 weeks.  Poor girl, she still has nightmares of the pain of the last one!  God help her through it.

Myself, I can't seem to get enough air to breathe unless I'm just sitting or laying down. even on 55mg of Prednisone and oxygen 24/7... to move around or try and get even the simplist things done is almost a joke.

On another note, both my eyes have blown a blood vessel I think. From coughing I suspect, but they'll just have to wait until Vicki's ordeal is under control. Don't need her worrying about me, got enough on her plate as it is.

Life continues ...

Thabnksgiving 2013

Well, the knee replacement is in 3 weeks! There's a rehabilitation place that takes her insurance and is like a 4 star hotel with people helping her 24/7 for up to 20 days!!! Thank you Lord!  Myself, I'll be ok until she's back on her feet unless something weird happens.

I'm losing interest in shooting as it becomes more and more work to even get around.  bummer.... a fella needs something to be enthusiastic about.

.... life continues, each day I'm more convinced that the last lesson to be learned is to totally agree with God's Way of things happening etc.

Will always wish I'd been more generous with my time and talents...

Veterans Day 2013

November 11th, Veteran's Day

     Well, the time has come for Vicki to quit worrying about me, and go get her knee replaced. (gulp) I'm sure I can handle things around here and myself, but I fear I won't be able to be that much help (physically) if Vicki needs it... scary thought. If need be, we'll just have to get a nursing home arrangement I suppose til she's rehabilitated. Poor thing, tears my heart out.

     To see her panic at the thought of me dying on her, and her having no one to care for her as she gets older and older rips my guts out.  NOT MY MOST UP POST, but just how it's rolling this day.

   

November 7th, 2013

Must be rested up, got up @ 4 and couldn't get back to sleep. Bob's still on  Florida time so is up 3 hours ahead of us usually.  the 60mg of Prednisone is hardly working lately, not a clue where to go from here. I suppose 65 n upward til I pop... who knows?!

On a brighter side, heading down to Tuscon to pick up some Vanilla Bean flavoring and to see the Xavier Mission again. 1692 is a long time ago and it's still in use!

Time will reveal all things. I continue my prayers for kids n grandkids and friends n family.

November 3rd:  Alas, seems I'm stuck on the tube most of the time. New reality. There is a dust in the air that is as fine as baby powder and invisible to the eye. Not sure how good that is for me, especially if the wind is blowing. Trying to stay out of it even though I don't see it or have an immediate effect to its presence.

Got to wake up early, we're headed for the Grand Canyon. It's a good 6 hour drive... but, Bob's never even seen it and Vicki only once and it was filled with smoke then.... (I've been to the bottom and back twice I can remember) Along the rim more than that. It's one of those things everyone ought to at least see if not experience in depth. 4 climate changes on the way down...

Really fun to sit with Bob n remember old times. We go back from before my oldest son was born.  Odd couple to say the least, different in a lot of ways, but both loved exploring and geography and spent many a weekend boating up into the swamp. I'm thankful as can be to have this time with him. Vicki probably gets tired of the same old stories...lol

We'll have to see how the altitude and temperature treat me, could be ok, could be miserable... figure either way I'll get my share of prayer time ;-)

Better get to bed, if we're getting up at 5am, that means I need to get up a good hour before that to take meds and coffee up. Thank you Lord for this day also.

Arizona (at last)

October 3rd. ---Been here a week tomorrow. Yesterday I woke up off the oxygen tube, and didn't feel that bad, so tried life without it for the day. Made it, first time since April when we headed back to Nebraska! Also, the gargle sound is gone, 25% Humidity seems to work wonders. It's still in the mid to upper 90's outside, so not doing much during the heat of the day, but mornings and evenings are nice and actually getting a few things done. Vicki n I are adjusting still, but I'm feeling optimistic. 

getting old

Sitting here @ eagle chevrolet makes me realize why this country is in trouble. 

time rolls on

      Yup, was an awesome good time for this old man, Jeremy n the twins n Allysa went out n tried out the 22 of his, my dad's 38, and my new 357 ... almost 8 years old and already able to heft a 40oz pistol, steady it enough to aim, and HIT a tin can probably 15--20 yards out.
      Both boys were all over taking their turns and both weren't that far off. Allysa chose to stick with the BB gun and did her own thing, as we burned some powder and got acquainted with the guns.
      Yesterday we did manage to get he Boston Whaler running, so after wasting time finding out lake Whitney is all dried out this time of year and running down to box Butte, we go in, found water deep enough to be clear of moss etc and the kids dove, jumped etc off the boat to their hearts content... These are how memories are made.

Now I'm suffering with this humidity (60+%) which almost paralyzes me and this leg that decided to swell have put a damper on my ability to do much. tonight I just took some pain pills and upped my prednisone again .... sorry hon, but I just can't go stay in bed and stretch it out. Having Father out is really good for him and me too I think, he needs a place he can just sorta hang out and I enjoy his company and knowledge a lot. He's got this thing about guns, guess because no one has onewhere he lives, everyone is paranoid when they see one. Even the police only have sticks....only the Army has guns in India.

He wants to go shooting....lol so I need to get off my lazy hurt butt and go reload some shells. He understands how they're a part of American culture, but along with a lot of the world, he also shares the fears of guns. I figure a day on the range and he'll see it's just a tool and it's the nut with the tool that might need looked after, not the tool.

What a Blessing

     To have Jeremy and Tammy and the kids up for the whole weekend is a real blessing. I know how hard it is to plan and execute a long weekend with kids, but today after Mass I hope to get them all into the Whaler and have some boating fun. (Their idea mostly...)

     Getting up @ 5:30 to be awake and ready by 8 ... that's my kinda schedule.  lol

Oops, the twins are waking up...time to get in gear.

   

OUch!

Saturday, will be going to Mass in Gordon tonight, as I have an invite to some group therapy tomorrow early. 3rd or 4th day since I managed to drop off into a steep ditch with the rider mower! Man is my right calf sore !!! What a stupid thing to happen. Guess life is like that though. I've owned and mowed more acreage than most in my lifetime, but reading the ground fooled me completely. grass growing up the steep side from the culvert to the street was level with the grass growing up on top, so it all looked solid. I was a good foot away from what was obviously the ditch, but as the front wheel touched nothing but air, the snapper promptly tipped into space, throwing me maybe 8 foot onto my back as it rolled 3/4 of a revolution on it's way down, landing with the mower deck edge on both of my calves.  Sheesh! as I opened my eyes I'm looking at that 28" blade (stopped). A couple of half hearted 'help' hollars and I realized there was no one  around who could see or hear me. Luckily my oxygen tank was still on my back, and finding the end of the breathing tube was just in time. As I lay there waiting until my oxygen requirements recovered, several minutes, I looked around and realized no real blood flow, that the left foot could be slid out from under the deck, and using it, could push the deck back enough to free the right foot. Gingerly I checked foot and ankle movements, then knees. Seemed OK, no sharp pains, so I decided to stand up.

Once standing, I pulled the mower on over putting it on its wheels. the battery had come out of it's spot, so that was the next thing to do and as the fuel line came loose from the tank I quickly set it on an angle so it wouldn't leak out until I took care of the battery. Then, gas line back, a quick look over to make sure there wasn't a big pool of gasoline or anything and sat down n fired it up. It started right off.  I had to drive down the ditch center until I found a spot where it wasn't steep and I could climb out. By this time I was sure glad no one had seen this and decided I'd tell no one, least of all Vicki ;-)

I knew I was in shock and that's why I felt no pain, so decided to finish mowing the driveway, gassing up etc. As the shock wore off that night and I started whining about it, Vicki offered to put some stuff on it and before long I'd told her, but by now it'd been hours ago and past the point of panic... lol  waited a couple of days before going in to the doctor, but was pretty sure nothing was broken and expected that poor muscle to be really sore. He confirmed no breakage and reassured me that although there would be clots, they'd be in veins and not arteries leading to my chest/heart.

What I may have made a mistake doing however, was taking a tramidol for the pain figuring I could probably just walk it off in a day or so. Man is my leg sore now. very slow with a cane and can hardly lay down without both legs wanting to cramp!!  oh well, considering what easily could have happened in that ditch, I'm feeling pretty lucky.

Sitting here late at night, just a sense of thankfulness filling the room. Vicki made it back home from her 1,000 mile journey of two days.

 I saw my daughter board her plane in Scottsbluff, (and got her message she was already in Denver before I made it back to Alliance) but the memories of that week just sharing the same air will last me a long time and bring a ready smile each time.

 I suppose I should be letting go of all the toys and distractions of this world, because beyond a doubt my life here is coming to a close.. Dropping down (or trying to) 55 mg of Prednazone leaves me gasping within seconds, and even 60 mg might help me feel better, but it does not help the breathing.

Still, although I'm ready if it's my time, I find I'm still out fixing mowers, still working up loads to target shoot, feeding birds n chickens, living in a state of thankfulness for each day, each beautiful sky, each blooming flower.

Praying has been taking up more of my day for awhile now, almost thankful that finally I have something to really offer up. Now I can offer up my suffering for others. I like that whole thought, little as it is it's at least something. I know I've been on the receiving end of those kinds of prayers for years from my mom while she lived.

Oh Yeah

Wed. Aug. 7th, 2013
   
     How time flies. Enjoying a rare visit with my oldest daughter Melissa

for a week! Health has pretty much deteriorated to a point of no return, but mind still works, wife still loves me, still able to hobble around and not stuck to a wheel chair or in the hospital, so life is still good.

Just found this again, so might start blogging again, who knows, lots to do with so little time left.